Foxy Stoat

Serious Bang goes the theory/Science programmes

Cannon_Fodder — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 19:04:45 GMT

Bang goes the theory is a science programme on primetime BBC, so honest to Fucking God, act like it, and stop being so condescending, scripted, and full of slap stick patheticness.

This is not Top Gear, or Brainiac, or Richard Hammond's Blast Lab, or frankly anything else with Richard Hammond in. The presenters aren't idiots (well two of them anyway). So just stick to a quality piece of science programme-making and stop thinking "how do we make general relativity understandable to a 3 year old".

Fucks sake.

In other news, google instant is annoying.

Mobile browsing of FS

yksi — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:18:07 GMT

Oh look.. two threads in one day >.>

Is there an easy way to view this on a mobile? (iphone3gs)

Say a mobile layout? or such like?

Welcome I've been beaten into this >.>

yksi — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 16:07:07 GMT

Hello there ^.^

Beaker and MilllieB have been prodding me into doing this so here goes...

*waves*

I'm Yksi (pronounced ikk-see) I'm 22 female and from Exeter.
In two weeks I shall be moving across country to London (Islington area)

I'm a Uni student (have a bsc degree and an Msc, but going back to do forensics in london)

Now for the bits you'll go "OMG SHE'S SUCH A FREAK"
* I'm pansexual
* I'm a furry
* I've got a severe visual problem
* I find death fascinating
* I freak out during thunderstorms XD
* I'm a geek :D to quote my partner "I like cake and BSD but I probably hate you"
* I love animals.. Wolves especially :D
* Yes i have a fursuit XD

soo yeah.. thats a tiny bit about me :D
feel free to ask anything you wanna know, I'm pretty open and honest with peoples questions :)

*waves*
:xsuckle: <--- had to put this in somewhere.. its soo disturbing!

Serious Blondes Do Have More Fun

Ritual Noise — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 13:50:28 GMT

Well, I couldn't get to sleep last night, so I did what I always do when I can't go to sleep but it's too late to read - I turned the telly on. (Actually I had a wank first, but I think we can safely skip that part)

Immediately a signed program came up. You know, one of those ones with a plump little lady in the bottom right doing vigorous gestures.

The program seemed, as far as I could make out, to be one of those 'highway patrol' types in which people are pulled over by the police etc etc. The police appeared to be talking to two blonde women in the hard shoulder of a motorway.

Before I had a chance to fully digest all this, though, one of the women disengaged the grip of one of the police officers, and, without a moment's hesitation, bolted directly into the motorway and into oncoming traffic. After a moment, the other woman followed with exactly the same movement. The first woman was swiftly caught by a HGV and went under the wheels. (The signing lady let her head loll to one side and jerked her hand up and down repeatedly above her head at this point, if memory serves) The other was run down by a car, smashed into the windscreen, and fell onto the road.

Wow

General panic and confusion. Being interviewed by the makers of the program, the police recounted how shocked they were at the time.

No shit, sherlock.

The police close off the motorway. Miraculously, both women are alive. The first woman's legs have been crushed by the HGV - the second woman seems to have been suffered less.

But here's the thing. Upon closer inspection, the police discovered that they were identical twins.

As if this hadn't bugged me out already, both women come round. But they don't cry out in pain. They don't even seem to notice they're injured. They instead start attacking - aggressively attacking - the police. The first woman is obviously immobile so can't cause too much trouble, but the second woman gets up and starts walking towards the other lane of traffic.

A plump female police officer starts tackling her. But the second blonde woman aint no lady. She smacks her with a mean right hook. It's finally confirmed to the world that what she's carrying isn't muscle. Fatty sinks like a stone.

The blonde woman jumps over the central reservation, weaving in between cars going at 80 like a slalom skier. The other police are in hot pursuit by this point, and have been joined, so it seems, by most of the motorists using the motorway. With the aid of about 18 members of the public and four police officers, the second blonde woman is subdued and taken over to paramedics where she is given a strong sedetive.

The plot thickens. While the twins go to l'hopital, the police search their belongings. They find two mobile phones and not really a whole lot else.

Slowly things begin to emerge. The twins were - get this - Swedish, had no previous connection to the UK, and had suddenly, and without a whole lot of notice, decided to abandon their previous lives after Ursula - the first twin who had been crushed under the HGV - had gone to visit Sabina, the other twin, when Sabina had been living in Ireland. After Ursula arrived, the twins apparently became inseperable.

They'd been walking down the central reservation after being turfed off a coach to London that they'd boarded at Liverpool. The driver had become suspicious, because the twins had been hugging their bags closely and had not let him put them in the boot. He'd become suspicious.

No drugs and no alcohol is found in the systems of either twin. Sabina is discharged to police custody after two days in hospital. But she seems absolutely normal, just a nonedescript woman in a hospital gown, and perfectly well-balanced. She makes small talk with the police. She is friendly.

The upshot is that the police, with their usual flair for total incompetence, decide to charge her for assault on the large lady but nothing else. She is given a 'spot' psychiatric assesment by a professional, but they can find nothing wrong with her. This however, seems to me to ignore the rather obvious point that certain psychiatric disorders are not like physical illnesses, and the symptoms of them can come and go with time. Any spot assesment which didn't take into account recent behaviour could therefore be terribly flawed. (A point which, while obvious to you and me, is apparently not at all obvious to a police psychiatrist; apparently the fact that someone has only recently ran into oncoming traffic while yelling that people were going to steal their organs is invalid evidence of probable mental instability)

Sabina is charged with assaulting a police officer (Because of course getting justice for Fat Pam is much more important than protecting the public) and is sentenced to time served. Which is to say, one day. She is immediately released, while Ursula still recovers in hospital.

Coming home from the pub, a man and his mate see Sabina at the side of the road. She seems normal, and a bit lost. They go over, get talking. Sabina says how nice the man's dog is. She says that she needs somewhere to stay. The man agrees to take her in for a time. At home, Sabina becomes a little defensive when the men ask her about her injured sister which she mentioned. Then she gets weird, pulling the curtains, becoming paranoid. She offers tabs - her own tabs, which she's been smoking perfectly happily up to this point - before immediately pulling them from the men's mouths "because they could be poisoned".

The second man decides this is a good point to leave.

Sabina stays overnight at the man's house. The next day, the man phones his brother, talks to a neighbour washing his minivan (apparently) at the back to ask for some teabags.

Shortly afterwards the man who took Sabina in staggers into his neigbour's yard. "She's stabbed me".

The neighbour calls 999, then begins a chirpy and rather surreal convo with the man. ("Ya can't die, only the good ones die young", "Hahaha. I'm going into hospital, will you take care of my dog?")

Then he dies.

A passing driver (he looked a bit like Daddy Roady as I recall) casually happens to notice a blood-stained woman running along the pavement, repeatedly hitting herself over the head with a mallet. As one does.

He gets out of his car, and takes the mallet off Sabina. But Sabina knows this old routine, and - yes, you've guessed it - jumps off a bridge and into oncoming traffic.

Oddly, she survives again.

At the trial psychiatrists agree that they don't really know what the fuck was going through the minds of this lovely pair, and are in any case imparied by the fact that they can only assess Sabina. (Ursuala has recovered, was not charged with any offence, and has left the country, apparently.) Some say it might have been a rare disorder called Folie a deux, others say it might have been an even rarer condition called 'puff of madness' (eh?) Sabina's reasonably normal behaviour in custody and afterwards may very well have been caused by that strong sedetive that she was given on the motorway, which can dull the effects of such disorders temporarily.

In the end, nobody really knows, Sabina is sent down for five years on a manslaughter charge, much to the frustration of the judge.

And that's more or less it. Fantastically eerie eh?

I recount this story of course for several reasons. The first is that it's such an outstanding story, the second is that it teaches us that you should never, ever, ever be a good samaritan, and the third is that Sabina will apparently be released fairly shortly, and has kept in touch with Ursula. Apparently relapses of folie a deux are relatively common. So if any of you horny young dudes is offered a night of bedroom gymnastics with a pair of blonde Swedish lovelies and you are tempted to accept, as I know many of you would be, then please beware that you may just be in for a good deal more than you bargained for.

The One Where... someone lives my life better than me

All Systems Go — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:31:12 GMT

I am now officially a crime statistic for the second time. First there was the time my car was set on fire outside my house, but that was many moons ago.

Today, I had an automated message from my bank asking to confirm some recent purchases. I assumed it was because I spent �4 on milk at the corner shop this morning because I had no cash on me and I'd rather pay 50 pence on a card transaction that �1.50 on a Link machine.

First transaction on the list �1,800 on tickets to the USA. "If this was not your transaction please press one." My finger nearly went through the phone.

Thankfully, I'm covered for this sort of this so I will get my money back, but not for a few days, after which I'm to go to my bank fill out some forms etc...

Also, as might be expected my card has been cancelled which means I can't use cashpoints or online banking to go into my savings account. I currently have 47 pence on me. Thankfully, I've got a little bit of cash I can get my hands on to tide me over, but it's just an inconvenience.

Plus, I'll probably get a fine for going tremendously over my overdraft limit, which I will also get back but is annoying because it can't be overridden beforehand.

The part I find really offensive is that if I had a spare �1,800 (which I don't!) I would probably spend it on a trip to America. They're living out my dreams and expect me to pay for it. Bastards!

Driving

roadrunner_0 — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 09:15:08 GMT

So, i have now been driving for 2 months, and have clocked up somewhere around 2000 miles, and i have to say, i really like driving... mostly. there are just a few things that i hate and i have to admit, they are nearly all something to do with other drivers.

Why (o why) do people insist on doing 50mph in a 60 zone? then, when it goes into a 40... they still keep doing 50???

why are old people allowed new cars, which they then drive like they are made of papier mache? no, if you go within 4 feet of that parked car your car wont crumple into nothingness, and going an anything above 40 wont make your car suddent shudder to pieces. and seriously, that turning corner thing? you dont have to STOP completely and drive round the corner so slowly.

tractors: should be banned from the roads between 8 and 9am, and 4 and 6pm

pikeys on horseback/with traps should all be shot, seriously.

indicators: they are there to make other peoples lives easier, i honestly think that if a policeman sees you not using your indicators, it should be an on the spot fine.

roundabouts are easy, why do some people make such hard work of them (also, cutting people up on roundabouts is bad mmmmmkay)

i will almost certainly rant more about this later, im just bored waiting for my next clients to turn up at the moment :)

Auto-Tune The News

Demon Dave — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 22:58:50 GMT

Ever since I listened to that Bed Intruder Song, I can't stop listening to Auto-Tune The News. The songs are too catchy and get stuck in my head. Here's what I think are the best:

YouTube

YouTube

YouTube

YouTube

(Hugo Chavez ftw here)

And my personal favourite

YouTube

They've got some other great videos that aren't part of ATtN such as the Double Rainbow Song

YouTube

Serious Age you lost your virginity

MilllieB — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 20:17:37 GMT

Right, after having a discussion with my younger cousin - shes 13, soon to be 14, and her telling me she was about to sleep with her boyfriend, I just wondered how old people generally were when they started having sex?

killing in self-defence

furball — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 18:57:15 GMT

Quote:

Originally Posted by furball (Post 205592)

Do you believe in the right to take another person's life in self-defence?

(i.e. they are trying to kill you)

Quote:

Originally Posted by All Systems Go (Post 205598)

Yes, but only if the situation cannot be resolved in a non-lethal manner.

Do you actually live in the real world?

Scenario:

You are walking home late at night through the local park. A man approaches you out of nowhere and punches you in the face. You fall to the floor. He kicks you in the ribs and then climbs on top of you, punching you again in the head. You flail with your arms in an attempt to protect yourself, and in doing so you find a fist-sized rock on the floor. As he rears back for another punch, you hit him in the temple with the rock. He falls off you and does not move. You run away. He is found dead 3 hours later.

Did you have the right to take his life?

(mods - maybe it'd be a good idea to split this off from the main thread...)

Mafia mafia 29 : just another mafia game tbh

1-X — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 15:11:29 GMT

I'll work on a big theme game for the future with roles for everybody. I'll demand 13+ players before it starts too, but for now, here's just another mafia game...

1 mafia framer
1 mafia roleblocker
6 vanilla townies
1 detective
1 trainee detective

alignments (but not roles) revealed on death
roleclaims allowed
instant lynching if required votes are reached
detective and trainee don't know each other, trainee becomes the detective if the detective dies but does not get the detectives findings
trainee does not investigate while the detective is alive
if detective investigates trainee, he will only be told he is a townie
mafia framer nominates a townie who, if investigated that same night by the detective, wrongly reveals his alignment as mafia. He can't frame the same person on consecutive nights.

Players
muzzza
milllieb
maladoni
tomkat
isildurx - townie
demon dave
furball
roadrunner- townie
rush - townie
webvictim
bobzy

Boradband options

creepandpeep — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 08:07:53 GMT

Moved house, need broadband.

Don't want to bother getting BT line, what are my options? Virgin throttle like motherfuckers and will probably end up getting me arrested. . .any better non BT options?

other Ouch, MotoGP

Nadar — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 23:36:36 GMT

Was browsing Wiki's September 5th deaths and saw a MotoGP racer died. Found the vid on YouTube :o

The guy who died slipped with his bike and got two others crashing into him. He's the one furthest away from the camera:

YouTube

T.V SPARTACUS: BLOOD AND SAND

jer — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 20:21:36 GMT

haven't seen a single episode of this yet

but have seen this:

YouTube

and read this from charlie brooker:

Quote:

If you're a 15-year-old boy, chances are Spartacus: Blood And Sand (Tue, 10pm, Bravo) will strike you as the finest TV show ever made. The only drawback is that you're too young to watch it. This is possibly the lustiest, goriest, most wilfully red-blooded drama series the law and human decency will allow. Roughly every 30 seconds someone gets an axe or sword in the face. Roughly every 20 seconds a woman bares her breasts. Roughly every 10 seconds someone grunts a four-letter word starting with either "f" or "c". There's more fruity language than a week-long jam convention. Everyone swears like a foul-mouthed trooper stubbing his toe on a slang dictionary. It's not so much I, Claudius as I Claudi-cuss. HA HA HA.

Full TV guideSo: sex, violence, and hardcore swearing. Sometimes all three at once. This programme was not written and performed by pussies. They should've called it Spartacus: Blood and F*****g Tits instead.

The plot concerns a nameless Thracian warrior who spends half his life fighting barbarians on behalf of the Romans in unconvincing green-screen CGI landscapes, and the other half having slow-motion sex with his wife. This violent/sexual idyll is spoiled forever when the Romans betray him and his wife is kidnapped. Our nameless hero becomes a gladiator named Spartacus, which means his job now consists of weekly kill-or- be-killed hack-and-slash encounters in the coliseum.

According to the head trainer, every time a true gladiator enters the ring he must "look death in the eye, embrace it and fuck it". Which was a round sadly missing from the ITV version of Gladiators. But not here. Make no mistake: the gladiatorial scenes are pretty brutal. Limbs are hacked off with such nonchalant frequency, it sometimes feels more like an extreme whittling contest. During one match Spartacus manages to carve two legs off one adversary using a single, uninterrupted back-and-forth slicing action. But the guy's still going � dragging himself away with his palms as his knee stumps piddle blood. Will Spartacus show mercy? What do you think. By the end, he's carved his opponents into such small pieces, it looks like he's picked a fight with an animated lasagne.

Then there's the sex. Apparently ancient Rome played host to more blowjobs than the internet. Rich couples nonchalantly screw slaves while discussing the weather. There's a lot of nudity here, and not just female nudity either. It's always dick o'clock in Spartacus land. The first time our hero indulges in a little locker-room back-chat with his fellow gladiators, the main antagonist paces around him, penis swinging proudly in the breeze. Usually I find it impossible to hear what actors are saying during a nude scene � my brain's too busy screaming LOOK AT THEIR TITS LOOK LOOK LOOK to process anything as complex as dialogue � but here, for once, the nudity is so persistent, the mind quickly compensates for it. By episode four I was staring at orgy sequences and wondering who composed the background music.

But here's the surprise � after a disappointingly slow (yes, slow � despite the constant sex and violence) pair of opening episodes, Spartacus starts to improve exponentially until somewhere round episode five, where you stop enjoying it ironically and start to enjoy it outright. Yes, it may be the kind of show in which a tattooed warrior gets his face hacked off by a man armed with a hook; it may feature lines like "your wife has been fucked to madness by a thousand vermin cocks"; it may toss in pointless cameos for one-armed topless transsexuals � and all three of these things genuinely happen in the early episodes � but it's also not half bad. In fact I'd go as far as to say it actually gets quite good. There's just a hell of a lot to desensitise yourself to first. Good luck. Give it a go.

Oh and that nice John Hannah's in it, and very good he is too. Your mum likes John Hannah. So if she asks why you're watching it, cite his involvement. Just don't, under any circumstances, invite her to watch it.

a lot of words there, you will agree

but there's one particular line i want you to make clear is very important

it may feature lines like "your wife has been fucked to madness by a thousand vermin cocks

to make it a bit more clear:

"YOUR WIFE HAS BEEN FUCKED TO MADNESS BY A THOUSAND VERMIN COCKS"

it's inconceivable that this can be anything apart from fantastic to me

Paid for filling in surveys

Sicario — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 11:16:20 GMT

Hi Guys,

My gf wants to earn a bit of extra cash from home.

We looked at websites where you fill out surveys and get paid for it but most looked like a scam.

Has anyone had any experience in these?

Or any home working bits.

She isn't looking to make a living from it but just an extra �50 here and there.

Thanks

Drugs

muzzza — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 10:29:56 GMT

I was wondering what FS opinion was on the matter of recreational drugs, the classification system, how drug crimes are dealt with and so on.

On the one hand you have alcohol, damaging lives and killing people left right and centre, which is a legal, taxed substance, then on the other hand you have Cannabis, which causes on average 0 deaths a year directly, and it is is a class B controlled substance.

Alcohol is only legal for tax revenue and because its a cultural thing. Should it be made illegal? should marijuana be made legal on the nhs, for the treatment of chronic diseases such as Itchy Scrot?

Also it would be interesting to see who and who hasn't taken a cheeky toke, or popped a bad tab of acid back in the 70's and tried to chew their own eyeballs out (i'm looking at you jonny)